Don’t Poke a Sleeping Bear???

 

I have recently been talking with a friend about my OCD/Depression/Anxiety/Panic and how I feel like I need to set some goals and begin working toward them.  I have began reading some of my dusty OCD and panic books again looking for the basic truths that have helped me in the past.  I have also picked up a few more books to add to my list.

I can see that I need a perspective shift… not that changing my perspective will change reality but it will change how I deal with it.  I see challenges that lie ahead and I see opportunity for growth.  It feels that what I have been doing is trying to be okay with being functional.  What I mean by that is that I am able to function with most day to day things while my OCD/Panic…etc.. is there but it does not have me completely at ground zero.  Therefore it has been hard for me to really get excited or extremely motivated to push myself through the pain of OCD by actively engaging in ERP or to carve out time to work specifically on my struggles.

I know thought that each time I don’t take the opportunity to work on it OCD takes the opportunity to bother me just a little bit more.  It is so easy when things are going well to say, great I can live life and not have to spend time on OCD.  I think that is where the roots of trouble begin to grow.  This is a lifetime chronic illness, there will be good times, bad times, and okay times.  It is something that we must keep notice of and make choices everyday to keep our mental health up to par.  I liken it to exercise we can have a spectacular routine of going to the gym and get ourselves in the best shape of our lives.  However, no matter how hard we worked or how long we were in the routine of exercise, if we stop to just forget about it and relax for a long period time we will quickly be out of shape.  Yes we can get back in shape with more time and effort but the point is we WILL have to put in more time and effort.  There will be more pain and sweat and maybe even tears but you have to put in the effort to get the desired result.

I am needing to choose the work, pain, sweat, and tears to get myself back in shape mentally and emotionally.  I know that it is possible to be better than I am now but it is scary to try because….well the same reason it is always scary to try something…because what if I fail.  That brings to mind a quote “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”.

Another one of my friends uses the expression of not wanting to poke a sleeping bear.  That is where I am at in feeling like I am not the worst I am, definitely not the best I have been, but I am afraid to poke the sleeping bear.  What it really wakes him (OCD) up and I am not able to get away from him.  Essentially the idea of my OCD has me in an OCD trap.

The need for change is here and the time for change needs to be now.  Yes I will feel horrible, I will cry, I will feel guilty, I will wish everything was different, I will be upset that life is not fair, I will panic, I will sweat, I will shake, I will feel like running outside screaming at the top of my lungs for anyone to help me, I will awaken old fears, I will give voice to new fears….BUT I WILL TRY.

Another one of my favorite quotes is “in any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing”

-Logically Illogical with OCD